


Solving Equations

by Rinienne



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 16:02:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinienne/pseuds/Rinienne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was surreal to hear someone trying to explain how sex felt by describing mathematics. At the same time, Joker could have never imagined mathematics to be this hot.</p><p>Note: This is a Joker/EDI fic. Shepard and the LI are mentioned, but it never said what gender Shepard is, or who the LI is. Basically, 'insert your headcanon here'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solving Equations

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'ed... English isn't my native. Give it a try anyway, cause I tried hard.

The full extension of war had never reached the Citadel. Not yet. Even after Cerberus had tried to take over the station, even while hundreds of refugee ships were docked around the place, no-one here seemed to fully realize what was going on in the Galaxy. No-one here could comprehend that millions of people were dying at this exact moment, civilizations were coming to an end, entire planets disappear.

Joker took a deep breath, trying to push the negative thoughts away. With this mind-set he wasn't going to accomplish anything, too distracted to be be on his toes. On another hand, he wasn't on the _Normandy_ right now, he didn't need to concentrate on his work, didn't need to be afraid to screw something up.

Joker sighed.

"Is there anything bothering you, Jeff?" he heard EDI's voice and turned his head.

They were walking down the Presidium, enjoying a quiet day while on a shore leave. Or at least they were trying to enjoy it, because every time Joker saw people passing them by with an absolutely carefree facial expression, he was becoming unreasonably angry.

'When big events shake up the Galaxy, people cling to what's familiar' he recalled Shepard's words. It was easy for Shepard to say, because Joked didn't have any doubts that the commander was now 'clinging' to a very familiar someone in a shiny new apartment. The looks they were giving to each-other while boarding into a taxicab next to the docking bay didn't leave much room for interpretation.

Joker almost groaned at the thought, because he just tried to mentally accuse his CO of having own share of little fun, while Shepard was the one deserving it the most.

"No, I'm fine," he replied with a soft smile. Then Joker looked around, noticing that they passed the park he was originally planning on taking EDI to. "Where are we going, by the way?" he inquired.

"Jeff," EDI started, "we have been in an official relationship for twenty four days, six hours and fifteen minutes. Upon this realization, I decided to undertake an action in proceeding to the next step. I hope you don't mind."

"Proceeding to the next step?" Joker surprised. He mentally recollected every step they had already taken. They agreed on a relationship, they hugged, they even kissed three times. The next logical step could only mean... no, no way EDI was thinking about _that_.

"I booked us a hotel room a little further down the Presidium."

Joker almost froze in place, feeling a shiver running through his body. Yes, EDI was most definitely thinking about _that_. Sill, he needed to be absolutely sure: "what were you, umm, planning to do there?" he asked tentatively.

There were surprisingly many emotions on her usually emotionless face. Joker wasn't good at reading people, but the expression on EDI's face was clearly asking if he was dumb. "I wanted to become intimate," she explained simply.

Joker started to look around in panic, afraid there could be people who could've heard it. Thankfully, no-one payed attention. "Damn, EDI, stop saying such things out loud in public!" he hissed quietly, and then the full implication of the statement hit him. EDI wanted to have sex. With him. And they were currently walking towards the hotel where she booked a room. Joker gulped, feeling a thin coat of sweat forming on the small of his back.

Of course, Joker wasn't a prude, even if he had oh so little experience in this sphere, because of the Vrolik syndrome. There were just so many 'buts' and 'what ifs', not to mention who EDI was. Joker couldn't say that he'd never thought about it, never fantasized about the two of them, but every time he tried to contemplate it, it'd always felt like it would be him using EDI, like some sort of an advanced sex toy. It just never felt right.

"You were the one who started it," EDI pointed out.

Joker swore under his breath, "right, right," he nodded. He felt like he had nothing else to do, but follow. The idea still seemed very appealing to the pilot, but he intended to talk about it first.  A hotel room seemed like an ideal option for this matter.

***

Getting a room key was very awkward. Even if the room was booked for one plus a 'mobility assistance mech', the asari on the front desk gifted the two of them with a distrustful glance. Of course, she managed to pull a smile in the end, but the entire time Joker felt like running away without sparing a single glance back.

The room itself was big, even if there was nothing in it, but a standard set of modern-styled furniture. There was a large window occupying almost entire southern wall, which was making it brightly lit with artificial sunlight. The only items in the room indicating an attempt to make it look not like a high level prison cell, was a small vase with real flowers standing on a round white table next to the window and a plush white rug on the floor. A picture on the wall opposite to the window had a view on the Citadel from space and Joker couldn't help but think of how cliché it was.

Altogether, It looked like whoever built this place didn't care much about coziness, but more about practicality. It also seemed, that whoever booked this room shared this point of view.

Joker's eyes unintentionally slid towards the bed. It was enormous, able to fit at least five people without them needing to snuggle close. Joker's mind suddenly summoned an image of him and EDI on this bed, with him buried deep inside her. Joker shook his head. Did EDI even had the needed body parts for it? It was getting too awkward with every passing moment.

It seemed EDI didn't share neither his concerns, nor awkwardness. She took Joker by the hand and tugged him straight towards this bed. The pilot felt his knees becoming weaker with every step he was making.

"You seem unexpectedly tense," EDI commented.

"Uh, I... no, of course I'm not!" Joker laughed it off, but seeing the AI tilting her head, sighed. "Listen, I know that we've never talked seriously about it -- my fault, I admit -- but... will you even feel it?" he asked.

"Of course I will, this body is equipped with tactile sensors," EDI replied simply.

"EDI," Joker shook his head, "that is not what I mean. Will you enjoy it?"

"Making you happy results in a positive feedback."

"Yeah, I get that... sort of, anyway," Joked nodded, "but it is still about making me happy, but what about you?"

EDI was looking at the pilot for what it seemed like an entire minute. Then she simply leaned in, capturing Joker's lips in a kiss. Joker needed to admit, that by this point she really mastered kissing. Her lips moved perfectly; they were warm and soft and so very realistic. Her mechanical platform was even imitating breathing, as Joker felt small puffs of air over his own nose. When she carefully probed his mouth with her tongue, Joker found himself lost in the sensation.

"I spent a lot of time planning this out, I even learned several techniques from the extranet," she said after they finally parted, "I don't know how else to tell you that I want it."

"Ok," Joker breather out, "ok, I got it," he said pressing his lips back to EDI's.

This time their kiss was more heated. Joker allowed himself explore EDI's mouth with his tongue, her teeth, her own tongue, which was trying to find it's way back into Joker's mouth. Joker felt his body respond to it. He felt a wave of warmth traveling down from his chest, felt a pressure building up in his pants. Usually it was the point they were stopping at, but now it wasn't the case. Instead, he stepped closer, pressing his hips into EDI's. He heard her humming appreciatively, before he felt himself turned around and pushed onto the bed. It was a very gentle push, EDI carefully guided him onto the mattress, providing a leverage for his body at the same time.

"Oh god," Joker breathed out as she climbed on top of him, hovering above his body, but not laying down not to break anything in the pilot, "may I touch you?" he asked.

"You've been already touching me," she replied slightly confused.

"No, I mean, like... like the intimate parts of you," Joker specified and then wondered if she even considered any parts of her body to be intimate.

"Oh, of course you can," EDI nodded, taking Joker's hand and placing it on her left breast.

Joker moaned, feeling the soft mount under his palm. EDI didn't have nipples, but it was warm and also very realistic. He gently squeezed it and was gifted with a surprised sigh out of EDI.

"Oh," she said with her eyes wide, "I didn't know that your touch of certain parts of this body will result in a greater amount of feedbacks."

"Oh?" Joker smiled, "so you have erogenous zones?"

"It appears so," EDI replied, "now, I think this act requires lesser amount of clothing articles," she added, moving her hands towards Joker's uniform, starting to undo a numerous amount of buckles.

EDI was undressing him with enthusiasm. She did a quick job of the shirt and reached for the zipper of his pants. He really wanted to stop her, to tell that it was going a little too fast, but decided against it, because he really felt like discarding his too tight uniform pants. It was really uncomfortable to have them on right now. He decided that the next time they could try to go slower, but for now he reached down and started to help her.

Only a few moments later, Joker found himself spread on the bed and absolutely naked. EDI was sitting between his legs, looking at his body with curiosity. It made Joker to feel extremely vulnerable, especially considering that EDI's appearance didn't change -- she didn't wear any clothes to begin with. He suddenly started to consider the situation again, started to doubt that it was a good idea.

"Your body is aesthetically pleasing," EDI said and Joker felt his face starting to burn, even more than before. At the same time, he couldn't miss that the complement sounded too general. It wasn't 'I like your body', or 'I find you appealing' she said; it sounded like she checked some sort of a data base, drawing this conclusion out of it. The thought wasn't helping to relax.

"Ugh, thanks," Joker replied anyway, giving her an unsure smile, "you're beautiful too."

"You still seem too tense," EDI commented.

"Well, you can say that some parts of me are," Joker grinned, but seeing EDI intense glare, sighed. At least for this once, brushing his problems off with jokes wasn't going to help, because if he couldn't be honest with the person he was dating, he shouldn't have agreed to date this person at the first place. "Listen, EDI," he said, "I just feel like I'm taking an advantage of you here. That's all."

On that EDI smiled, "oh, good," she said, "I will be able to use it as a reason for breaking up, after I used your body for pleasure."

"Huh?"

"That was a joke," she said, "now, please, let us try it. I promise it will be good for both of us."

Joker looked at her still not quite believing her words. "All, right," he replied finally, "all right, let us try."

EDI nodded, placing her hands on the pilot chest, starting to massage it gently in circular motions, moving her palms lower and lower, first to his stomach, then to his pelvis. Joker sucked in breath as EDI reached for his cock, taking it in her hand without any shyness.

Joker's back ached as his he felt EDI's warm soft palm stroking him. He felt his doubts to slowly dissipate. In the end, he also deserved to have something more in his life than war, something he could enjoy, a time to forget every problem. "Oh, yes, EDI!" He whispered. And then: "holy shit!" he breathed out seeing her lowering her head and taking him into the mouth without any disconcertion. She definitely wasn't a teasing type.

But seeing it was nothing in comparison to feeling it. He mouth was hot and wet, her tongue was rubbing over his length and it was so damn perfect, that Joker forgot how to breath. His cock was sliding in and out and the pilot thought that it was the most incredible feeling he'd ever experienced in his life. He knew EDI hadn't done it before, but she was capable of learning any concept in almost no time and now was moving in a perfect rithm, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

"EDI, I'm going to," he tried to say, but suddenly he felt his cock sliding even deeper into her throat and cried out. His vision exploded in white and every muscle in his body spasmed so hard, that for a second he thought he could crack a bone because of how intense his orgasm was.

It took several moments, before his senses returned to him. EDI moved closer, hovering above him again and leaned in for another kiss. Joker moaned into her mouth, feeling the taste of himself there.

"How long will it take for you to recover?" EDI asked after a moment.

"Continue kissing me like that and I'll recover in almost no time," Joker chuckled.

EDI smiled raising up again and moving to lay next to the pilot, kissing him softly, caressing gently his sides. Her hand traveled down his body again, reaching for his still limp member, starting stroke it carefully, untill it began to grow back to life.

"EDI," Joker breathed out. His own hand reached for her hip, kneading it gently, untill he gathered enough boldness and moved to cup her surprisingly soft, but firm at the same time butock.

EDI hummed into the kiss, moving closer to Joker, pressing their bodies together. Joker groaned at the contact, feeling her warmth, realizing that he was getting hard yet again. It was almost surprising how little time it took for his need to return. In less than a minute the primal side of him took over again, making him want nothing more but to feel his lover's heat wrapped around him.

There was only one question still bothering him: "EDI, can I... is it even possible to have something more that what we've already done?" he asked.

EDI looked him in the eyes with an almost grin on her face. Joker had never seen her smile like this before and it seemed almost alien, but pleasant neverless. She didn't reply, at least not verbally. Instead, she took his hand and guided it between her own legs, pressing it to the spot where it should have been... "Oh," Joker managed to say. He felt two small stripes of soft metalic material slide apart and his finger reached a slick moist orifice.

"The external reproductive organs of this unit were more authentic when it had the artificial skin," EDI said as a matter of fact.

"Cerberus _do_ pay attention to details, don't they?" Joker hummed, as his finger continued to explore the opening. With every sweep of his finger around it, he felt more and more moisture gathering there.

"It was an infiltration unit," EDI reminded, "it's mission was to get a position on the base on Mars by any means, including sexual favors if it was going to come down to it."

Joker suddenly felt a sting of anger and jealousy. It was unreasonable, considering it wasn't EDI occupying this body at the time, but he couldn't do anything about how he felt. "Did... did this body succumbed to sexual favors?" he asked.

"Not that I'm aware of," EDI replied, making Joker relax.

He took a deep breath and pushed his finger inside, noticing two things at the same time. First of all, it felt incredibly realistic. His cock twitched with excitement, as the thought of sinking inside this moist heat crossed his mind. Second thing Joker noticed, was that EDI had a reaction. She turned to her back, falling onto the pillow. Her mouth opened and a long moan escaped her.

"Huh, more positive feedbacks?" Joker asked with a smile, as he continued to move his finger in and out EDI's body.

"Yes," EDI replied in an almost murmur, "I didn't know this body had it in the programming," she confessed.

Joker moved closer, leaning in and placing his lips over EDI's yet again, kissing her almost desperately. She enveloped her arms around his neck, answering the kiss with the same amount of passion, before pushing Joker back to his back and climbing on top of him, not forgetting to rest her weight on the bed and not on the pilot.

Joker felt her hand moving back towards his cock. She got a hold on it, before guiding it inside her. Joker almost cried out as he felt his member being enveloped by the tight heat. His hands took a hold on EDI's hips, gripping them as tight as he was capable of without fracturing his fingers.

Without breaking an eye-contact, EDI straightened her back, sitting upright as she started to raise and descend onto Joker's cock. Every her movement was so perfect, so graceful, and Joker couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful she was.

"EDI, oh EDI," he moaned, rubbing her hips, her sides, moving his hands up, to cup her breasts. Her movements sped up and she threw her head backwards, opening her mouth in delight. "Does it feel good?" he asked.

"Most definitely, Jeff," she replied.

The velvet walls around Joker's cock were flexing with every her movement and too soon Joker found himself getting close again. He tried to fight it, not yet ready to end this heavenly sensation of being in someone so precious as EDI.

"Can you, can you have an orgasm?" Joker asked suddenly.

EDI's eyes returned to look at him, "No, it would not be possible," she replied.

A darker corner of Jokers mind started to dominated him again as the feeling that he was using EDI for own pleasure returned. As if she sensed it somehow, she leaned closer, placing her hand over Joker's cheek, stroking it gently.

"What we experiencing is very different," she said, "I don't know how it feels for you, but if you were only capable to feel what I do, you would understand."

"What," Joker exhaled deeply, as it was becoming too difficult to breath, the pleasure inside him was building higher and higher, "what do you feel?" he asked.

"Imagine having an equation," EDI said, "a really long and difficult equation with a mistake in it. No matter what you do, you can't solve it, unless you find this mistake. And when you do... when you do, every number, every x, and y, and z start to fall into places in a perfect unison, every line starts to make sense."

It was surreal to hear someone trying to explain how sex felt by describing mathematics. At the same time, Joker could have never imagined mathematics to be this hot. And not only hot, but extremely intimate and personal. His chest ached as he felt a weave of an emotion so strong, that he couldn't believe it could exist. An affection so great, that he wasn't afraid to call it love. Joker couldn't believe that this beautiful, perfect woman raiding him so shamelessly was his, that he found something so deep and profound in a computer program, whom he used to hate so much when they were introduced to each-other.

"And," he breathed out, "when do you finally solve this equation?" he inquired, meeting every her move with his own hips.

EDI leaned closer in, "when I see you cum," she whispered into his ear, twisting her hips at the same time in a way that made Joker to finally lose it.

Joker's entire existence exploded at this moment. His body shuddered with an orgasm so strong that he forgot who he was, or where he was. On the corner of his mind he heard a loud noise -- almost a scream -- not even realizing that it was him who screamed.

Joker was sure that he blacked out, because when his senses returned, he found EDI laying next to him. Her hand was on his chest, rubbing it gently, her fingers played with the hair growing there.

"How long will it take for you to recover?" EDI asked again.

Joker hummed in surprise. He was too tired to even move and everything he wanted right now was to fall asleep. "Um, EDI, I don't think it's going to happen as soon as the last time," he chuckled apologetically. Then a small realization came into his mind: "EDI, you don't get tired, do you?" he almost laughed.

"No, I can do it all day long," she confirmed, "in fact, I think I would prefer to do it all day long."

"Oh, no!" Joker smiled, "I've created a monster!"

"I would prefer if you call me 'mistress'," EDI said seriously.

Joker almost choked, eyeing EDI with a raised eyebrow, "was it --" he started.

"-- a joke," EDI finished the sentence, leaning closer to her lover and kissing him gently on the forehead.

 


End file.
